THE SECRET DIARY OF GARY BAKER

This guy had better be careful

2011-11-28T16:26:00.001-08:00

The LAPD is a bunch of fucking hardasses about urban tree climbing. Trust me on this one.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/11/occupy-la-protester-builds-treehouse-to-try-to-evade-police.html?track=icymi

This was me last weekend

2011-11-17T15:50:00.000-08:00

I was doing some hot tubbing in the back seat of the plane cuz the fuckin' flight from LA to Tahoe is boring as shit, and my foot got caught in the drain when it was time to land.

http://www.smh.com.au/travel/travel-news/pilot-gets-trapped-in-plane-toilet-midflight-20111118-1nlwy.html

Oh Shit

2011-11-16T10:52:00.000-08:00

i forgot to tell you

my hot tub is fully operational

finally

i replaced pretty much every part inside

except for the jet pump

The tyranny of the technologically ignorant

2011-11-16T10:41:00.001-08:00

It's the only useful thing that they do, and that's just a clerk's work.

Any sufficiently anal jackass is capable of that.

Thinking about it

2011-11-03T10:48:00.000-07:00

Might need a sandwich to lodge it loose.

I was thinking

2010-03-11T16:53:00.001-08:00

If I started a new company and didn't tell any jokes and shaved my
beard for a year, what would happen? I'd be fucking CEO.

My backlog

2010-03-11T16:09:00.001-08:00

I need to create the most offensive possible Edit Page and see what happens.

I'm not a PC

2010-03-08T11:48:00.000-08:00

Dude, as soon as those fuckers in parliament got back from their outrageous prorogue, they went right back to fucking things up again. They want to change the fucking Canadian national anthem because it's offensive to Eskimo midgets. I say fuck the chilly little bastards. I'm keeping my anthem.

Oh Canada
Oh Canada
How lovely are thy Eskimo midgets.

I forget the rest.

Brainstorm

2010-02-04T16:32:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to brainstorm a way to fix the sandwich problem. I have two ideas neither of which I think are doable.
1. assemble on the fly in the hot tub (whenever you see a sandwich that is eaten or doesn't exist just make it).
2. have canned mile marker sandwiches that you can jump on or somehow take into your hot tub

Launched my new startup

2010-01-27T16:36:00.000-08:00

http://www.urbanturtle.com/

It's an intuitive Agile Project Management tool (plug-in) for Visual Studio Team System built to simplify your software development cycles.

Dude I lost my panini press

2010-01-25T16:52:00.000-08:00

I lost my panini press. I am sure I left it just here. It has G on the bottom. I can't remember why. Maybe for Goat Cheese? Great sandwich? Gretzky? I am pretty sure the G doesnt stand for "Guppy" because it is my press and not his. That's why I am here. I lost my panini press. I am sure I left if just here. It has G on the bottom.

Indeed, the irony is thick and rich.

2010-01-24T17:20:00.000-08:00

Forgive me for saying this Haddock, but the fact of the mater is that it is not in the federal government's best interest to move us from booze.
Sandwiches and soup prohibition mean jobs and resources for the federal government. No Sandwiches and soup prohibition means less jobs and less resources.
This is the exact same federal government mentality that our hippies confront every day out in the field. Indeed, the irony is thick and rich.

My real friends

2010-01-22T16:55:00.001-08:00

All my friends are flatfish.

All my close friends.

Turtles are flat, right?

Yahoo vs Gmail: an in-depth comparison test

2010-01-21T16:17:00.000-08:00

You use fucking Yahoo! With the little... fucking... Japanese things.

This fucking 10%, man.

I gotta go home.

Flounder is now a vegan. WTF

2009-07-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

Create Your Own Sea Kitten at peta.org!

In Toronto

2009-06-18T12:49:00.001-07:00

In Toronto, they would show up with weapons.

Flounder's new BFF

2009-06-18T08:15:00.000-07:00

I say

2009-06-09T12:41:00.001-07:00

So what, he's a widower. It happens to everyone.

Waste of fucking money

2009-06-04T12:36:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how much the money the US government wastes on defense. Hello, there's a fucking ocean on both sides of the US. No one can attack you over an ocean. It's a proven fact. And no way Canada is going to attack with all the nukes and shit that the US has. Plus your SUVs spook the Mounties' horses.

So all I'm saying is if they just spent that $500B on NASA, we'd have fucking space elevators out the ass.

Ball Pits

2009-05-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

Dude, I don't know what goes on in ball pits, but it's pretty sketchy.

What I'm thinking right now is

2009-05-15T16:10:00.001-07:00

sweetness
bah
bah bah bah

Went to the taco truck today

2009-05-15T14:29:00.001-07:00

The delay is like 14 hours. This is almost useless.

Telemarketers

2009-05-14T14:55:00.000-07:00

I always make a point of answering the call and getting through to a human so that at least costs them few cents. They seem to ignore my requests to stop calling. Last time I told them that my car exploded and I needed a new one.

Java is tij

2009-05-13T15:41:00.000-07:00

Because when you call a method, you have to tell it what class you're calling the method on. And what package the class is in. That's annoying.

Went to the taco truck today

2009-05-13T13:17:00.000-07:00

I'll be running some BeanDrivenTests on the second stall later this afternoon.

All I have to say is

2009-05-13T12:57:00.000-07:00

If you like the dick, you like the dick. That's all there is to it.

Concerned about flounder

2009-04-08T13:46:00.000-07:00

He keeps asking me to go out for burgers.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7988169.stm

Haddock's latest sandwich creation

2009-01-26T15:46:00.000-08:00

Haddock spotting

2009-01-05T09:25:00.000-08:00

My buddy Flounder was over in Japan for the new years. He snapped a picture of the ever elusive Haddock-san.

Hat Holders

2008-12-17T16:32:00.000-08:00

Heads make really great hat holders.

Hot Tubbin'

2008-11-24T14:00:00.000-08:00

Dude, Seabass was visiting for the weekend and brought his grandma's special meat pies. We hit them hard in the hot tub. It was fucking far out. Good thing he brought his video camera:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRjskbf87hw

You're the one with the problem

2008-11-24T13:32:00.000-08:00

Get off my back, man. It's just a pie sandwich. It's the fucking same as a sandwich. I don't have a problem, you do. I can stop any time.

Sorry Charlie

2008-10-29T14:53:00.000-07:00

You're getting booted for an Ibex.

My Handle

2008-10-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

My handle in Grand Theft Auto is dangledong3000. I was playing yesterday with someone whose handle was something-something-3000. I don't know who he was.

My Geneology

2008-10-16T09:52:00.000-07:00

I'm half English and five eighths North Carolinan. I don't know anything else. Check with the Mormons.

Liveblogging my memory upgrade

2008-10-10T15:58:00.001-07:00

This thing looks like it has two CPUs. Like, two silicon wafer things. I see two cooling towers.

Oh wait, I'm looking at my old machine.

Liveblogging my memory upgrade

2008-10-10T15:28:00.000-07:00

I seem to have shortchanged myself a stick.

I should have 16.

No, I should have 12.

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11.

Where'd the other one go?

Recursive Handburger

2008-10-08T16:29:00.000-07:00

Dude. That's what I want: recursive handburger.

No, wait: it would be all bun.

Fuck.

Jackalope for the Mac

2008-10-04T11:37:00.000-07:00

Dude, I've already been running the pre-alpha's of the Jackalope, and it's hot.

So, imagine my surprise this morning when Flounder told me I could also run the Macalope on my Ibex iMac.

Check out this camera pic I took after I got it up and running.

Cousin gassed the sheriff, but didn't gas no deputy

2008-09-26T13:51:00.000-07:00

Cousin Mooseknuckle just barely dodged some serious charges while traveling through West Virginia.

How to write right

2008-09-26T13:43:00.000-07:00

I just bought this book for all my coworkers. At $17.83 Canadian a copy, it's a steal.

Containers

2008-09-26T11:58:00.000-07:00

Dude, Flounder hides his sandwiches in a type-checked variadic heterogenous container.

Hockey Foosball

2008-09-26T10:50:00.000-07:00

It's not hockey foosball! What the fuck? What is hockey foosball?

Be careful of this new scam email

2008-09-24T11:09:00.000-07:00

SUBJECT: REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

DEAR AMERICAN:

I NEED TO ASK YOU TO SUPPORT AN URGENT SECRET BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF GREAT MAGNITUDE.

I AM MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY OF THE REPUBLIC OF AMERICA. MY COUNTRY HAS HAD CRISIS THAT HAS CAUSED THE NEED FOR LARGE TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF 800 BILLION DOLLARS US. IF YOU WOULD ASSIST ME IN THIS TRANSFER, IT WOULD BE MOST PROFITABLE TO YOU.

I AM WORKING WITH MR. PHIL GRAM, LOBBYIST FOR UBS, WHO WILL BE MY REPLACEMENT AS MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY IN JANUARY. AS A SENATOR, YOU MAY KNOW HIM AS THE LEADER OF THE AMERICAN BANKING DEREGULATION MOVEMENT IN THE 1990S. THIS TRANSACTIN IS 100% SAFE.

THIS IS A MATTER OF GREAT URGENCY. WE NEED A BLANK CHECK. WE NEED THE FUNDS AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. WE CANNOT DIRECTLY TRANSFER THESE FUNDS IN THE NAMES OF OUR CLOSE FRIENDS BECAUSE WE ARE CONSTANTLY UNDER SURVEILLANCE. MY FAMILY LAWYER ADVISED ME THAT I SHOULD LOOK FOR A RELIABLE AND TRUSTWORTHY PERSON WHO WILL ACT AS A NEXT OF KIN SO THE FUNDS CAN BE TRANSFERRED.

PLEASE REPLY WITH ALL OF YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, IRA AND COLLEGE FUND ACCOUNT NUMBERS AND THOSE OF YOUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN TO WALLSTREETBAILOUT@TREASURY.GOV SO THAT WE MAY TRANSFER YOUR COMMISSION FOR THIS TRANSACTION. AFTER I RECEIVE THAT INFORMATION, I WILL RESPOND WITH DETAILED INFORMATION ABOUT SAFEGUARDS THAT WILL BE USED TO PROTECT THE FUNDS.

YOURS FAITHFULLY MINISTER OF TREASURY PAULSON

Next Stop: Uruguay

2008-09-19T13:06:00.000-07:00

Dude, once I get back from wherever the fuck I am now, I'm planning a trip to Uruguay. They're really into sandwiches there.

Also, my new Uruguayan buddy Chilean Seabass said they're really into watercress sandwiches there. That sounds fucking sweet.

If me and that hottie running for VP ever had a kid

2008-09-16T12:54:00.000-07:00

We'd have to name it Mustache Warthog Palin.

Oh, and Canada totally has more moose than Alaska. Dude. And I like hockey.
She'd totally be into me.

Dude, Where the Fuck Am I: Day 6

2008-09-15T09:32:00.000-07:00

Dude, I'm in Amsterdam today. Jodie and I decided to go because we're into fuckin' windmills and wooden shoes and canals and hookers and tulips and all that shit. Especially the tulips. We go fucking nuts for tulips.

After we got in and went to a little cafe next to our hotel. The dude there asked if we wanted to see the special sandwich menu. I thought his english must not have been good, because no fucking way a cafe would sell sandwiches like out in the open, but I said sure. To make a long story short:

Dude!

Dude!

Fucking sandwiches are fucking legal here!

Dude!

Fuck the windmills.

And the tulips.

Dog taking a dump pattern

2008-09-12T12:52:00.000-07:00

DUDE.

I need the Mac VPN client really quickly. I forgot about the free sandwich coupons I have in an email I sent to my work address. I need the Cisco VPN client ASAP. Can Anyone help me? I already asked some douche at work but he said "FUCK OFF. WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK OF THIS BEFORE NOW"

Dude, Where the Fuck Am I: Day 10

2008-09-12T09:18:00.001-07:00

Dude. I must have eaten way too many of those fancy Frenchie sandwiches (they call them "les baguettes") last night, because apparently I'm in Texas today and a hurricane is about to hit. Fuck you, hurricane. I don't know what the big deal is about them. CNN got a quote from me, but they got my fucking name wrong. Fuck you, CNN.

He told the paper he could walk or kayak out if necessary. "It's just water, man.''

Update: Fuck You Jaunty Jackalope

2008-09-11T15:49:00.001-07:00

Flounder explained to me that a jackalope isn't a jackrabbit-cantaloupe mix. I don't know what I was thinking.

It's actually what I did when I married Jodie: drank a fifth of Jack Daniels and then eloped.

Actually, mine was more a jackandmolsonelope, but who's counting.

It was pretty fucking jaunty, though.

Fuck You Jaunty Jackalope

2008-09-11T10:08:00.000-07:00

I finally figured out what a jaunty jackalope is. It's a cross between a jack-rabbit and a cantaloupe.

Dude. You'd think the rabbit would try to eat itself because it was a really sweet looking cantaloupe.

Dude, Where the Fuck Am I: Day 9

2008-09-11T09:55:00.000-07:00

Still in Paris. I finally shook that Moose Haddock character, but now Haddock's French uncle, L'haddock, is following me:

VG Baby

2008-09-10T09:24:00.000-07:00

While all the fuckers at work were busy talking about Apple and how sickly Steve Jobs looked, I made a play to make some big money off of VG. I just dropped my earnings from selling my Ibex to the local butcher and put all of it on a out-of-the-money bull-put on them.

Dude.

Overnight, I'll be able to make 10 Ibexes from 1.

Oh, and fuck you, Mr Jaunty Jackalope.

The Fuckers at Canonical

2008-09-09T08:38:00.001-07:00

Fuck you guys, you can't fool me. There's no way you're calling the next Ubuntu "Jaunty Jackalope." And you jumped the gun: Canadian April Fool's isn't until tomorrow.

http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20080908-ubuntu-9-04-to-be-called-jaunty-jackalope.html

Dude, Where the Fuck Am I: Day 8

2008-09-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

Dude. I was fucking losing my shit yesterday over the whole Charlie thing, and after searching for an hour I finally had to come clean to Jodie, who reminded me we had left Charlie with Uncle Moose back in Fish Nuts, Ontario.

That's a fucking relief, let me tell you.

And after I had a couple cool-down sandwiches (they call them "les sandwiches" here), I realized it's probably just as well we didn't take him to "Gay Paris." Not that there's anything wrong with that. My good friend Rainbow Trout is gay. Dude, I'm all for the gays. But I'd like him to be able to continue the grand Baker tradition of knocking a girl up before you marry her.

Stock Tip

2008-09-08T13:45:00.000-07:00

I've been skeptical about GOOG, but I really like the price. I suggest you buy at least an eighth.

Dude, Where the Fuck Am I: Day 7

2008-09-08T09:35:00.000-07:00

Dude, I was so busy with my new Ibex I forgot to have my usual sandwiches (breakfast sandwich, second breakfast sandwich, elevenses sandwich, lunch sandwich, after-pancho sandwich, tea sandwich, amuse bouche sandwich, supper sandwich, dessert sandwich, midnight snack sandwich). So I actually know where I am today: Paris, France. In your face, blog readers!

Anyway, it's cool here and ...

Dude! Where the fuck is Charlie?

Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Did I leave him in the airport?

Dude.

Ok, Baker, think. Where did you last see him. I put him on the wild moose to take a picture. I drank him under the table in our Molson drinking contest. I helped him recompile his kernel with wobbly windows. And then... fuck fuck fuck.

Dude, if anyone sees him, let me know. And don't tell Jodie about this. She'll take away my fucking Ibex if she finds out.

The Fuckers at Work

2008-09-08T08:08:00.000-07:00

The fuckers at work lied to me and said the Ibex would be released in 22 days. Some asswipe even put up a ticker on our wiki home page. But this site clearly says it's not going to be until October 29 (Canadian Halloween), which is an order of magnitude longer.

Whatever fucker put that up should get fired for disrespecting the Ibex. Here in Canada, we call that shouting aboot in a crowded hockey stadium.

Dude, Where the Fuck Am I: Day 4: Special Ibex Update Edition

2008-09-05T08:23:00.000-07:00

Dude.

I got the fucking Ibex.

Dude.

The fuckers at work

2008-09-04T13:41:00.000-07:00

Dude. The fuckers back at work have been emailing me non-stop. Telling me that Buckhorn is now serving burgers. That's mooseshit! I fuckin' took time out of my ibex hunt to go look up the menu online, and it's not there.

Dude, Where the Fuck Am I: Day 3

2008-09-04T10:11:00.000-07:00

Dude!

Dude!

I thought the Ibex was still 26 days away, but, dude! Jodie got me the fucking best Canadian Christmas (which falls on September 5 this year) gift ever. Dude! A fucking Ibex Hunt! And it even includes sandwiches! Dude!

Meals consist of hot meals for breakfast and dinner, sandwiches, snacks and drinks for lunch.

Dude!

It's in the Canadian province of Kyrgyzstan, which is next to Nunavit. I think.

Dude!

I bagged myself a 64-bit Ibex and still had time for a sandwich.

Dude.

Dude, Where the Fuck Am I: Day 2

2008-09-03T08:02:00.000-07:00

Dude, I guess I'm in Canada today. Which is fucking awful, because Grandma is also in Canada, and now I know she reads my blog.

She showed up at our hotel and said "It's two and one seconds 'til". I said "Two and one seconds 'til what?" and then she roundhouse kicked me in the face.

Dude, Where the Fuck Am I: Day 1

2008-09-02T09:49:00.000-07:00

Dude. All I remember is having an extra fat sandwich in the hot tub to calm my nerves for something, and then I woke up this morning and I was definitely not in Glen Park. Seriously, dude, where the fuck am I?

It must be Canada, because instead of Haddock, now I'm getting chased by this hoser:

That's good

2008-08-29T16:46:00.000-07:00

It's kinda boozy.

Why do you hate the monkey?

2008-08-29T16:38:00.000-07:00

Why is this chair always here?

2008-08-28T09:37:00.001-07:00

It wants to be under my ass.

Fake Charlie

2008-08-28T08:17:00.001-07:00

Where Bruce?

Bruce! Bruce! Bruce!

Fuck you, Grandma

2008-08-27T14:42:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid my Grandma would say "it's five and twenty past five." Fuckin Grandma, why can't you just say "5:25"?

Fuck you, Grandma.

But that was just when I was a kid.

Another Open Letter to Ben Fry

2008-08-27T14:05:00.000-07:00

http://finance.yahoo.com/echarts?s=JAVA#chart1:symbol=java;range=1d;compare=vg;indicator=volume;charttype=line;crosshair=on;ohlcvalues=0;logscale=on;source=undefined

Relax

2008-08-27T13:47:00.000-07:00

Go back to your desk, relax, have a cookie, lalalalala. It's not like the fucking building is burning to the floor.

Our Meeting

2008-08-27T10:19:00.001-07:00

I thought our meeting was...

Oh, fuck. It was at 9:30.

I wasn't going to make it anyway.

IntelliJ is the new SkyNet

2008-08-27T10:00:00.001-07:00

Dude. I'm posting from my blackberry so IntelliJ can't see me do it. Yesterday, I put a comment that said

-- todo: move to the migration project

And then I moved the file to the migration project and it fucking removed the todo because it knew it was done. Dude. It's fucking self-aware. Then I added

-- todo: get me a sandwich

And pushed Alt-Enter. 20 minutes later, Flounder showed up with a fat Humboldt with extra cheese.

Fuuuuuck.

Fake Charlie

2008-08-27T08:16:00.001-07:00

Anyone want to buy an RSA key, cheap?

Fake Charlie

2008-08-20T16:42:00.001-07:00

1

2

3

4

5

6

9

10!

Fake Charlie: Train

2008-08-19T15:05:00.000-07:00

Train

New guest blogger: Fake Charlie

2008-08-19T15:02:00.000-07:00

DUDE. I have been so busy at work. Rather than implement agile they implemented some new methodology called douchebag or something. I have been thinking of hiring a new guest blogger because I am so busy. Also, Flounder pointed out that we skew to a more mature demographic and it is all about the disposable income of toddlers and tweens these days.

So let me introduce to you our new guest blogger: Fake Charlie. Over to you Fake Charlie.

Sometimes being Canadian is hard

2008-08-19T12:03:00.001-07:00

One of my old friends is competing in Beijing. He also took part in Athens. My only issue is that he is playing a douchebag American sport rather than Hockey or one of the variants (grass hockey, water hockey, boat hockey, foot hockey, tonsil hockey etc).

Poor Richard never did live down that sad episode with the town bike and his name in the Olympics still reflects that infamous incident.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Clapp

Norway's a bunch of chuckleheads

2008-08-18T14:01:00.000-07:00

They totally got the wrong penguin. If Canada ever had knights, we'd've gotten the right one.

An Open Letter to Ben Fry

2008-08-18T09:50:00.001-07:00

When you're gone, I'm going to turn off your computer, open the case, and take a shit inside of it.

This is total tij

2008-08-15T15:24:00.000-07:00

We should own this sport. I just don't get it.

Does anybody know when the muskox hunting triathlon starts?

2008 Summer Olympics

2008-08-14T13:57:00.000-07:00

Even though Canada doesn't have any medals yet, our best sport isn't until next week. I'm certain the 'nucks are gonna sweep the gold, silver and bronze.

Year of the MSFT

2008-08-14T10:56:00.000-07:00

Know how they say all press is good press?

Microsoft totally nailed it on this one.

Installing Gibbon Heron Edition on a MacBook Pro Liveblog

2008-08-11T13:21:00.002-07:00

Wow!

Sweeeeet!

Why do I like this?

Installing Gibbon Heron Edition on a MacBook Pro Liveblog

2008-08-11T13:21:00.001-07:00

I told Seabass I'd done it and he asked me if it was an accident.

Installing Gibbon Heron Edition on a MacBook Pro Liveblog

2008-08-11T12:53:00.001-07:00

Done. It's either a Linux machine or a brick now.

Installing Gibbon Heron Edition on a MacBook Pro Liveblog

2008-08-11T12:51:00.001-07:00

I'm almost sorta doing it just because it's such a douche-y thing to do.

I'm a Stock-Picking Lion

2008-08-11T09:34:00.000-07:00

An update and a big I-Told-You-So on one of my original stock picks, VG: You remember I bought back in October for 97 US cents (that's $1.04 Canadian). The next day it spiked to $2.57 US ($2.75 Canadian). All the guys at work who think they're so smart said "oh, you should sell" and I was like "dude, I'm an investor, not a trader." If I'd sold then, I would have paid 64 US cents per share (68 cents Canadian) of tax. Now that I've sat pretty and enjoyed the ride, it's down to $1.35 US ($1.44 Canadian) and I only owe 15 US cents of tax (16 cents Canadian). And if I hold another 2 months, it could be long term capital gains and the feds could owe me money. Fuck yeah!

Scarlett is really gonna like this

2008-08-08T12:53:00.000-07:00

They've done the impossible. The E70 has been upgraded to the E71. If the old E70 could bust a cap on the iPhone, imagine what the new one can do. I'm moist with anticipation.

Fucking Waste of Fucking Money

2008-08-07T15:37:00.000-07:00

Dude, I'm fucking as steamed as flounder en papillote. They did this fucking tij at work and it worked fine for everyone who's using a real IDE (Intell-ij), but everyone who uses that fucking freetard bullshitij Eclipse was whining how they couldn't get it to work and how they lost 2 hours of productivity. Fuck. If you calculated how much that cost the company, we could have bought everyone Intell-ij licenses 5 times over.

Fake Moho: Ibex Blows

2008-08-06T14:36:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows the Ibex blows. It's way worse than Cloverhamptonville and doesn't even use the 32 nm process that Saskatoon has been using for years. I would explain more, but the Comcast guy just got here to

Impostoring Ibex

2008-08-06T14:11:00.000-07:00

So as all readers of my blog know, the Ibex is due for release in just about 2 months.

I was just alerted by Baz that Intel is putting out its own Ibex processor next year.

At first I was upset. It should be illegal to reuse open source code names. But, then I thought about the possibilities. Think about the recursiveness of running the Ibex on the Ibex. Oh man. I think I need an afternoon sandwich.

Hot Investment Tip

2008-08-04T13:00:00.000-07:00

Dude, if they roll out my national sales tax scheme here, there'd be a fucking boom in calculator watch sales. Just in case, you all should go long on calculator watch futures.

Sea Bass still wears the calculator watch he had as a kid. I'm gonna get together with him and open a hedge fund with it.

This Dude Crossed A Line

2008-08-01T16:23:00.000-07:00

I was with this dude all the way on the bus killing. Who hasn't wanted to murder the guy next to him on the bus who's playing his damn headphones loud? But then when he beheaded the dude after killing him, that crossed a line. You don't need to behead someone after you've killed them. That's just rude.

Fucking Anti-Canadian Propaganda

2008-08-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

Dude, Flounder's Japanese friend Tako is claiming Subaru is Japanese, not Canadian. Don't listen to his lies. It's also the only open-source car, which he'd probably say isn't true either. I recompiled mine to run on American gas and it only took two weeks.

Civic Holiday

2008-08-01T09:39:00.000-07:00

Dude, this Monday is Civic Holiday in Canada. It's hogwash. It's fucking discrimination, is what it is. Why do we have a day off to celebrate the Honda Civic and no day off for the WRX, which is not only a superior car but also a fucking Canadian car. It gets me steamed. At least they could have Impreza Holiday, if they didn't want to just celebrate the WRX. Bah.

Intellectual Property Theft

2008-07-31T16:19:00.001-07:00

Dude! These pigfuckers stole my idea. I'm gonna sue their asses in Canadian patent court. I've been doing wakin' bakin' for years now.

Flounder's latest hot tub idea becomes reality

2008-07-30T14:57:00.001-07:00

The other night, me and Flounder were sitting in the hot tub throwing out some crazy big peperoncini rings, when he tells me that he had a dream about whales blowing smoke rings.

Well what do you know, the Japanese have done it.

I bet the sandwiches in Japan are crazy good.

Dude, I wish I'd thought of this

2008-07-30T13:55:00.001-07:00

Pizza bears, dude. That's some serious genetic engineering. I bet it's fucking delicious till it rips your head off.

I'm off to the hot tub to work on a sandwich moose.

The fifth dimension

2008-07-29T17:04:00.001-07:00

It's totally over simplifying things to just use two dimensions.

I don't need no stinking badgers

2008-07-29T16:39:00.001-07:00

They have badger phones in the UK. I called someone in grand theft
auto and it said their badger phone was disconnected.