Like i said yesterday

The architecture committee are douches. They rejected my new idea. They really don't get it. They still live in a world where only one branch exists and you are forced to use Eclipse on windows or something. Douches.

Like I give a shit anyway. Canada was faking moon landings long before Hollywood got that idea and it looks like Canada is hiring dudes to go into space again (no faking this time). I meet all their criteria except my degree is in 'sandwich arts'. But I have way more than 2 years experience. I applied today, so fuck you architecture committee, I am off to find a monolith out there somewhere like in that film Bran Van 2001 a spaced odyssey.

Douches.

Haddock just doesn't get multitenancy

I found this quote on Haddock's "HotTubsByDemand" offering:

"According to [Haddock], Hot Tubs ByDesign has one filter, but each individual hot tubber has one hot tub. This "mega-tenancy"model means hot tubbers can be isolated to prevent cross-tub sandwich bogarting. "This unique feature of mega-tenant strict isolation is enabled by hot tub virtualization techniques," said Haddock's spokesman [Anchovy]."

I love it. It's as if no one else can quite grasp hot tub multitenancy and it's benefits. This is great news for my hot tub. It'll crush these guys. "Mega-tenancy" Bahahaha.

Presenting my new idea to the architecture committee

DUDE. The other night I was in the hottub with Flounder, sharing our 5th bag of Sun Chips after a pretty satisfying sandwich. We got talking about ideas and the session was very productive. Before long we had a complete spec for a new project I plan to work on for the next release. I am a bit nervous because I have to present my new idea to the architecture committee. They are a bunch of douches even when they like your idea. If you haven't prepared enough those fuckers chew you out faster than you can kiss a duck. I think I really impressed them with my high level system overview diagram last year. They didn't say a word that time. That showed them.

So, readers of my blog, I would like you to review my techspec and provide feedback in the comments section.

Ubuntu Netbook Remix

This is going to be the biggest thing since the Branvan vs Bryan Adams remix of Summer of 69.

http://www.engadget.com/2008/05/25/canonical-ceo-says-ubuntu-netbook-remix-build-coming-in-june/

Fantasy Baseball Update

Wish I'd been able to pull off this trade: "Calgary Vipers minor leaguer traded for 10 baseball bats." If fantasybaseball.yahoo.ca had let me set up this sort of deal, Gaz totally would've gone for it.

Anybody else remember the great hockey stick drought of 1988, when the Maple Leafs traded two thugs for a pile of Easton's? Man, that was awesome.

Hardy Heron 4eva

I feel the need to set the record straight about the Heron. It is atleast 3 Canadian orders of magnitude better than the Gibbon.

There's this dude on the web who's been trash talking it. Saying that Windows shares don't work anymore. And that you shouldn't upgrade from the Gibbon.

That's tij. Pure and simple. If you are scared of progress, you should just go for Breezy Badger. Oh and use the 16 bit version. I hear it's rock solid.

Haddock update

A lot of my readers have been in touch wondering what Haddock is up to. He went missing for a long time after earth day. He was last spotted cartwheeling down the beach away from his drum circle. He wasn't wearing very much and he was arrested for public nudity inside a Peets on Geary. Some lady really didn't like his pubes falling into her half-fat decaf iced latte.

So rather than hack my blog or build a new bike, he spent some time locked up with some dude who wrote some filesystem or something. He is back on the streets and came up with this. Fuck that shit, it is all about Grand Theft Auto Mr Haddock Dude.

If Intellij is Zeus

Then Eclipse is Ganymede.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ganymede_(mythology)

There are two types of people in the world

Those that think they can divide people into types, and those that do not.

India's Bitch

Ever since Canada lost the French and Indian War, they've been India's bitch.

These guys don't fucking get it

Dude, these guys don't fucking get it. The whole point of the cloud is you don't have to buy fucking computers and pieces of metal that tie you down. You do everything in the cloud, man.

That got me steamed up. I'm gonna go home and port a sandwich to the cloud, if you konw what I mean.

My new homepage

http://smartcanucks.ca/

Fuck. I just remembered I live in Unitij States of America. And those douches pay me in uncanadian dollars. At least I am getting a Moose Light sweatband.

My new TV show

A lot of my readers are still really confused about open source. For example my former BBFFF still thinks open source is compiled from source. It is all about apt-get Ben Fry dude. To help people out I have started the Gary GNU show. Flounder likes the idea and he is working on the Flounder Flatulence show. I suppose he is an expert.

VG beat the estimates

Only lost $9 million in Q1. Suck on that Sun shareholders.

Canadian Dictionary

strat·e·ger·ize (v) : Ben is a douche

You gotta stop messing with your niblets

And start coding algorithms.

fakegary spinoff

Dude, I'm gonna start a financial blog where all I do is compare stock charts to animals. What would you call that kind of analysis?

technical analysis

My former BBFFF and former BBFSAF (Best Ben Fry Stock Advisor Forever, which is a recursive acronym) recommended this stock:

That stock chart looks like a crouching tiger.

sentiment: STRONG BYE-BYE.

Leaving for the day

Off to visit Flounder for a Tupperware party.

Richard Stallman just called

Well I think it was Richard Stallman. Could have been Flounder playing a joke after a mid afternoon sub. Reasons why I think it was him:

1. He called collect
2. He says he reads the blog for Gibbon tips
3. He wasn't really talking, he was singing to me using his new GPL melody

Why it might not have been him:

1. At one point he said something about Sharepoint 'rocking his world'
2. He said he would send me a link from his favourites in IE7
3. He sounded like Flounder after a Ham and Swiss on Sourdough.

So this 'Richard Stallman' called me to educate me on recursive acronyms. Seems like I am a bit clueless. He kept me on the line until I invented a new acronym. Since he was calling collect from Cuba or somewhere the missus is going to be pissed.

Anyway:

Sanwiches
Are
Not
Drinks
Which
Is
Convenient
Hoser

That's the best I can do for now. Can you readers do better? Help me, dudes.

The Man

Dude, Flounder just got smacked down by the man. He found a buyer in the US for 20 litres of his porn, so he flew out to hand-deliver it, but the fucking TSA (which is some kind of flying Mountie, I think) said he can only carry 3 ounces on the plane. Dude, that's like a fucking order of magnitude less than a litre. So he had to surrender the rest of the litres, and now he only has 60 litres left to sell.

Flounder's PS3

Dude, Flounder is trying to scrape together money to buy a PS3. Here's what he said:

Basically I have to raise the console money from side projects.

I plan to sell two comic book display racks (the tall circular kind)

Already sold my PS2 to Zell through Jones ($100)

My Adult skin mag collection which currently fills up an 80 litre Tupperware container.

Sheesh.