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"You're about to experience chaos"

Feel the heat.

Definitely not Canadian Kosher

Dude, this tij is definitely not Canadian Kosher.

Canadian Kosher

Dude, I was talking with Flounder last night, and in honor of Canadian Yom Kippur, we're going to try keeping Canadian Kosher. It's a good way to rediscover my connections to the Canadian people and their rich cultural heritage. The rules were set down in the Canadian Torah by the elders who founded Canada in 1987:

• The woodchuck is unclean and an abomination in the eyes of G-H (Gordie Howe). Thou shall not eat it unless thou is really hungry, eh?
• Thou shalt not eat moose with goose.
• All meat shall be slaughtered in the presence of a hockey referee, who shall give a five minute major penalty if the slaughterer doth fuck around.
  
• All meat shall be smoked meat, which is pleasing to G-H.
• And not that fucking American smoked meat, which is fucking terrible.

Low Quality Sandwiches on Air Canada flights

Mental illness my ass. The co-pilot dude had a bad sandwich. Nothing more. We all know about low quality airline food, so low quality airline sandwiches isn't too much of a leap.

http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2008/01/29/aircanada-copilot.html

Hope Hardy Heron Has This

I hope the web browser in the Heron (aka Gibbon '08) works like Stallman's does.

Flounder in hiding from Militant Vegans

Flounder just called to say he won't make it to Hockey practice tonight. Last Saturday he was out having a drink. He started chatting to this girl and everything seemed to be going very well. She suggested they went out clubbing after the bar shut.

DUDE.

Flounder hasn't been here as long as I have and naturally he thought she meant Canadian Clubbing. After they left the bar, Flounder found a big stick, put a nail in one end and hit the nearest baby animal over the head. That did not go over well with the girl and thats why I assume she must be some vegan freak. You know, the sort of person that runs gentoo. Flounder is in hiding, because although she was all sweetness and light before the episode, she was last seen screaming at Flounder as he ran onto a Muni bus. What did that girl think Flounder's white fur coat is made from? It sure as hell isn't polyester.


Here is a picture of Flounder picking out his future coat at the Toronto Abercrombie and Fitch:

American Hockey

Dude, I bet you didn't know that American Hockey, known to you americans as basketball, was invented by a Canadian? Even more interesting is that it's based on a game we played growing up - Duck on a Rock. That game ruled. Except when you got beaned in the head by Flounder's older brother with a rock. I think American Hockey would be improved dramatically by letting the bench players throw rocks at the player holding the basketball. I'm going to write the commissioner now with my idea.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Shitttttttttttttt!

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!

Douches at work sneaking off to see Rambo

I work with people who are sneaking off to see the new Rambo movie today. Do they know it ripped off a Canadian classic called "Canbo" ?


It is about some Korean war vet from Manitoba who is driven over the edge and goes out on a baby seal clubbing frenzy. Worth seeing, although it doesn't have a dog on the cover of the DVD and it didn't win an award.

New Gibbon distro

Dude, Flounder just tipped me off to all these offshoot distros of the Gibbon, like kubuntu, which uses KDE, or gobunto, which only includes free software. He and I are going to start working on aboontoo, which only includes software written by Canadians. If anyone wants to help, let me know.

PS: Canadians only.

Hockey Update

Had another game last night but we lost. I was out with the shin injury, and Baz just wasn't himself in the net. I confronted him about it after the game, and dude, he's going through some heavy tij. Would you believe he just got fired for eating prescription strength sandwiches even though he had a note from his doctor?

Bad Ideas

Dude, it's a good thing I'm squatting at the architecture meetings for this f'ed up company I work for, because people come up with some real turds of ideas. Someone proposed using an on-demand service for something that would be critical to our business. Who would be stupid enough to do that?

More from Lotusphere

Holy Shit. Netware 6.5 SP7 rocks. Seriously thinking of dumping react OS for it.

Liveblogging from Lotusphere

So I pulled that old but good trick of 'working from home' today and got on a flight to go to Lotusphere.

It is very exciting here. I just ate a sandwich on the showfloor and got a free flashlight with 'Lotus Notes' down the side.

I think the most exciting thing is IBMs new Lotus Mashups. From the press release:

IBM Lotus Mashups includes:
-- A browser-based tool that provides easy assembly of
  new mashups
-- A rich set of out-of-the-box, business-ready widgets
-- A catalog for finding and sharing widgets and mashups
-- A builder for the creation of widgets that
  access enterprise systems

Dude. I can't wait to create a mashup of my widget and then mashup that mashup and stick it in a widget. Then I can catalogue the widget and mash it up.

Off now to get thoroughly mashed on a Quiznos.

Seriously. I need my shinpads back.

So we played in our hockey league last night, and with Baz in goal, we're pretty much unbeatable.

Unfortunately, my shin pads never turned up, so I played without em. Probably a mistake.

If only the US had socialized hockey insurance...

Have you seen my shinpads?

I told you about the gnarly stuff growing in them. They got up and walked themselves out the house last night. The new ones haven't arrived since I selected ground shipping from the Yukon territory.

Ubuntu backing themselves into a corner

Right now everyone calls Linux 'The Gibbon'. Apart from Ben Fry, but he doesn't know his ass from his elbow and spends half the day not watching youtube.

In April 'The Heron' comes out. I am concerned. What will we call Linux then?

Post your ideas in the comments. I offer up:

1. Gibbon 2008
2. Gibbon Heron edition
3. Gibbon 2 GNU/Linux Boogaloo

Can't Blog

Ordering new shinpads. My shinpads are growing some gnarly stuff inside of them.

And another thing about Leap Years

Why do they have the extra day in February when the weather is usually crap? It would be so much better if we had the extra day in August. I suppose we get an extra day of hockey in the current system, so that's something.

February

There's 29 days in February this year? Far out.

If I'd known that, I wouldn't have given up alcohol this year.

Frontier Justice

In Canada, we have something called Frontier Justice. Two years ago, me and Baz and Flounder went out drinking to celebrate Canadian 4th of July, and Flounder had a few too many and fucking ralfed all over the backseat of the Subaru and over his jacket. He fucking took off and left me with the barf and the jacket. So I kept the jacket at home for two years and didn't wash it, like those fucking heads of pirates on posts they used to have all over the Hudson Bay. It's a warning to all those other hosers not to fucking ralf in my car.

Frontier Justice, bitch!

2nd thoughts about Subversion

Flounder's making me think that my SVN tat was a bad idea and that instead it should say something about Git.

Here's the pros:

1. My great leader Linus has already made the switch to it.
   
2. That hippy who sits in my row uses it for everything, which means it even works on Gentoo.

and the cons:

1. Its name isn't recursive

The next VG?

Dude, I get like 50 emails a day about this company's product. Do you think I should buy the IPO?

You dirty thieving bastards

Stealing from the Gibbon is like totally not on.

Please God

Don't let Charlie end up like this

Flounder is back in town

And this time he is serious.

An update on the previous post

Some of you have accused me of Photoshopping that picture of criminal genius Ben Fry. I guarantee you I didn't, because I can't run Photoshop on the Gibbon.

This is the criminal genius hacker I'm up against

My informants got a picture of that fucking criminal genius hacker Ben Fry that's broken into my blog all these times. How can I possibly stand a chance against his mastery of Linux?

Can't Blog.

Can't Blog. Playing Pingus.

Dumping the Gibbon

Dear Gibbon,

It was fun while it lasted. We had some good times. But let's face it: you were never marriage material. I am switching to React OS. I see two main reasons:

1. It has a Recursive acronym for a name. Ubuntu is a fake name. This is for real.
2. They implemented sound so I will still be better than Ben Fry

Yours,
Fake Gary.

Solving the issue of hunger in all parts of the world

People should walk around with hockey sticks. If they see a pigeon they can hit it over the head and eat it. Pigeons aren't very clever animals.

Now eating: Do you have to ask?

I love this time of year

It is almost the start of Canadian February. Every year, at this time, a certain well known software/hardware company has a trade show where the nerds get to see some new shit. I will be there.


Now eating: My own words.

The truth about Charlie's college fund

I didn't post that stuff. Honest to God. I think that douche Haddock is up to his old tricks.

The truth is we are funding the education of Charlie through a swearbox. He is doing very well, thank you for asking. Problem is I am fucking broke because of this idea. I am going to be asking Charlie for loans when he is 18. Shit.

Oh fuck. This post just cost me $60 (Canadian bitches). Shit, that was another $20. Oh hang on... Fuck.

Now eating: Dry bread and water.

Molson

Dude, a bunch of you all have been writing me fucking up in arms because of that post about Charlie's college fund and how I drank a Molson even though I've given up alcohol for Canadian Lent. Dude, chill out. It was fucking Molson Light. You can't call that alcohol. That shit is like making love in a canoe: it's fucking close to water. Plus, I only had a sixer and a half of them.

Dude, I'm so glad I don't live in Chespaeake

I mean look at this law they are trying to pass. I just put down good money on a set of these for the WRX, so if San Francisco tries to ban them, we're totally moving back to Canada.

Charlie's College Fund

Dude, the missus and I went on a romantic date to play some coin-op air hockey last night. She played the fucking Habs, like she always does, and after I got two penalties for fighting and she scored power play goals each time, I said I was done with the game and was off to drink Molson.

The only good part was that we didn't use the rest of the quarters, so we contributed them to Charlie's college fund. Here's a picture of it. I bet it's up to like a thousand bucks. Maybe more, because there are some Canadian coins left from our trip to Toronto. Pretty soon we're going to need another jar.

Ben Fry's code reviews bite my frosty northern ass

Dude, I got that fucking Ben Fry to review some dumb ass code changes I made and he was asking me all kinds of questions about it. WTF? Why's he wasting my time? Other guys just say "yah, sure, dude" and don't look at the code or hassle me with bullshit questions.

Bah. Next time that fucker wants a review from me, I'm gonna fucking find every goddamn bug in his code. That'll show him.

Update on Flounder and Sasquatch

You might have been wondering what Flounder and Sasquatch have been up to. After American New Year (Jan 1st) they started getting an urge for some smoked meat sandwiches. Everyone knows: the best place for smoked meat is Montreal. So they decided to hitchhike to Montreal. Somewhere around Mill Valley they were picked up by two marina girls heading off to some outlet stores or some other 'tij. Turns out the marina girls after getting laid off from the Gap got a job at a company that is bringing back Canadian Gladiators to TV. What is Canadian Gladiators? It is like American Gladiators except for 3 things:

1. All winnings are paid in Canadian Dollars. Not the US dollar which still sucks farts out of dead dogs asses.
2. Most of the games are played on ice
3. Instead of spandex the uniforms are made from fleece.

So Flounder and Sasq got talking to the Marina Girls and they managed to jobs as new Canadian Gladiators. Since most Gladiators have names like Wolf and Nitro the marina girls said Flounder and Sasquatch have a head start. So before you can say 'I broke the build again' Sasquatch and Flounder were off for a leotard fitting.

Today was the first day on the set and it hasn't gone so well. It took all morning to wax all the backhair from Flounder and when the make up people saw Sasq without a shirt they requested a new shipment of wax.

First up was Sasq playing in hang tough. Sasq recognised the contestent dude from a hockey team. Some of his teeth are still in Sasq's hockey stick. At the start of the game they just started high fiving each other and talking about the good old days. Then the contestant dude remembered he had half a sandwich tucked in his helmet. The show producer was not happy and demanded they got down, but it took quite a while.

Next up was Flounder in the gauntlet. This was even worse. Flounder just flapped around on his side blowing bubbles at the contestant. The dude just stepped over Flounder and got a new record for the event.

They have been given another chance so I will report more as I hear it.


Now eating: log of pork from Pancho

Weekend Planz

Dude. Flounder just tipped me off to tonight's hot event. I'm bringing my early 90's BBS artwork to see if there's any interest from the art dealers.

"ANSI"
Curated by Acidjazz
saturday, january 12th, 2008

ANSIs from legendary artists Somms & Lord Jazz of ACiD.

Hardy Heron Alpha 3?

Hairy Hard on.


Now eating: Honky Tonk BBQ Pork from Red Robin

Happy Canadian Bacon Day

Dude, I can't believe I almost got to the end of the day without wishing everyone a happy Canadian Bacon Day (when Americans celebrate Canadian Bacon). Flounder's mom came in to town last night and we all had a jolly old celebration. Next week we're all going up to her house in Toronto to celebrate Canadian Bacon Day (when Canadians celebrate Bacon). Then the week after we're going to Uncle Goose's to celebrate Canadian Canadian Bacon Day (when Canadians celebrate Canadian Bacon), then we go back home to celebrate Bacon Day (when Americans celebrate Bacon), and then up to Cousin Sasq's to close out Bacon Month with Canadian Canadian Bacon Day (when Canadians celebrate Canadian Bacon).

Sometimes it's good to be multi-cultural.

Here's a picture of Flounder's mom we took yesterday in the hot tub. She ate a whole plate of Canadian Bacon after finishing that:

Accosted by Haddock

Holy crap. Me and some coworkers were walking out for a 2nd lunch, minding our own business and chatting about the proper ordering of static and final. When out of nowhere, this drunk guy comes wheeling along on his bicycle. He shouts some profanities at Flaz, aka The Hoss, and then bikes off. Fuckin nut job. If this was a pro-beavercratic city, I'd've been able to unleash them on him.

Fake Gary hates beavers

I didn't want this to become a mudslinging campaign, but the people need to know the truth. Fake Gary was responsible for this legislation that originally sentenced this beaver to death. Good thing Super Haxor Haddock alerted the media to this nonsense and was able to save the beaver's life. This is what I stand for.


Biking to a better future. Haddock 2008.

I am Super Haxor Haddock and I endorse this message.

Haddock is for sissies

Damn this Haddock character has no conscience. First of all, he broke into my campaign headquarters and took all our sandwiches. We even have the surveillance tapes of it. Then, one of the Fake Gary for the Martinez Beaver Subcommittee interns did some investigative type work on him and we got one of his alleged friends to offer up a video of him HUNTING BEAVERS!

Do not be hoodwinked into voting for this monster. I am the true choice for beavers and bikes alike.

Vote Fake Gary in 2008.

Vote Haddock

5 reasons why you should vote Haddock:


1. I believe in the sanctity of beaver life. Unless they are on death row. Then I say hang the goofy bastards.




2. I will reduce crime



3. I offer a clear direction for the future



4. I believe in protecting the environment




5. When the beaver dam breaks, naked critical mass will not stop.




Biking to a better future. Haddock 2008.

I am Super Haxor Haddock and I endorse this message.

The best fast food sausage burrito money can buy

Dude. All that talk about colons got me thinking about this colon buster from McDonalds.

Now eating: The best fast food sausage burrito money can buy.

semicolon

Dude, with all this final static (or is it static final?) stuff now I'm forgetting other Java stuff. Can someone post in the comments whether the semicolon goes at the start or end of a line in Java?

Fuck. Maybe it's a colon.

Now eating: Bacon Canadian

Vote for Haddock

Spider Haddock,
Spider Haddock,
Does Whatever a Spider Can.
Spins a web, any size,
Catches thieves just like flies
Look Out!
Here comes the Spider Haddock



Biking to a better future. Haddock 2008.

I am Super Haxor Haddock and I endorse this message.

Don't vote for Haddock

That fishy named bastard is annoying the fuck out of me. BAH. Dude. BAH.

I saw him this morning at Kinkos on Potrero Hill printing campaign flyers and then setting off on one of his stupid fucking douchebag bastard fucking bikes. Taking fucking money from shitty corrupt fucking bastard shitbag special interests.

BAH.





Vote for me. We need beavers. You need someone to look out for the beavers.

final static, motherfucker

Dude, the fucking code nazis at my work are getting on my fucking case for writing "final static" instead of "static final". Really, who cares if it's "static final" or "final static"? WTF? It's a waste of time and a distraction from my more important work, like blogging and running my Martinez Beaver Subcommittee campaign.

Next thing they're going to tell me I shouldn't write "if (null == bah)". Get a life, code nazis.

Vote Haddock

Buy My Stuff

Biking to a better future. Haddock 2008.

I am Super Haxor Haddock and I endorse this message.

Vote Haddock

America is for Americans.
America is number one.
You can trust me on the issues.
Unlike other candidates, I am experienced.
I might be a tree hugger, but Beavers destroy trees.
Together we can move to a beaver free future.
When I am elected in 90 days all beavers will be returned to where they came from.
Vote Haddock for the Martinez Beaver Subcommittee.

Biking to a better future. Haddock 2008.

I am Super Haxor Haddock and I endorse this message.

America is in ruin

I've been busy doing some fund raising. Boy was it a busy weekend. I sure could've used some beavers to hack down the tree that fell in my front yard. In canada, the public beaver utility company would've had them out there in less than an hour and they'd've eaten their way through that tree 15 minutes after that. Is it any wonder that America is falling apart? A major city like San Francisco doesn't even have beavers on hand for disasters!

I think I know what my campaign slogan should be, "open source beavers for all."

Announcing my candidacy

I've decided to get serious in the new year with my resolutions. After hearing about what happened to Kit, who was just a poor baby beaver who never even had a chance to taste sweet Canadian Maple bark, I was devastated. Well, no longer can I sit by and watch as the good beavers in Martinez aren't treated with the same respect given to their Canadian brethren up north.

Starting today, my campaign for the esteemed Martinez Beaver Subcommittee has begun. I will win the election and bring a new age of beavering to Martinez.

Now Eating: Braised Beaver Loin with chutney

Farewell Martinez beaver dude

Goodbye Kit. You will be remembered for your good work. I hope you are damming up some big creek in critter heaven or wherever you dudes go. I will eat a toasted ham and cheese sandwich in your honour.

Now Playing: Beaver Death March by Sarah McLachlan

Canadian Feast of the Circumcision

Happy Canadian Feast of the Circumcision! I cant find a wiki page about it, but I swear it happens sometime around now.

You Yankee Doodles celebrate it slightly earlier than us, but thats your fault for not moving to the metric calendar.

Now eating: Roast Boar on Rye.

Vegetarian for a day

So, like any good Canuck, I'm making some Canadian New Year's Resolutions (we go by the hockey calendar -- its the evening after the 1st Maple Leaf's game of the American new year).

My first resolution is to be vegetarian for a day. I'm doing this because I hear that too much beef slows down your hockey-stick-eye coordination. I think 1 meal ought to do it.

Since I gotta eat vegetables, I figure I should do it in style. And maybe do a little scouting for the '08 ubucon location.