I am starting to think Heron devs are lazy douches

It has been a week since the Heron edition of the Gibbon came out. I haven't seen a single patch all week. WTF? If I find out they use waterfall or use a monolithic branch I will be so angry. I have a BBFFF who runs gentoo so I can switch in an instant with his help.

I heard from a reliable source all Gibbon devs had an offsite in Zambia to hunt Ibex. The first dev that works out WTF an Ibex is and gets a confirmed kill wins a prize. Flounder found out and applied for a job there, he loves to hunt seals and he thinks Ibex are African seals that roam the plains avoiding African killer whales. I think Ibex are African Gnewts. Gnewt stands for Gnewts are not newts. That acronym makes Richard Stallman angry becuase it isnt recursive.

Taking PTon! for the rest of the week

I'm taking Charlie up to a Canadian farm in deep western Canada. I need Charlie to know the true history about how Alaska is really a Canadian territory but the damn Americanos keep perpetuating their lies about how its a state. Everyone knows that the great Canadian musk ox can only live in Canada, so there's no way it could live in the United States of Tij.

Here's a photo of our aunt Bonito feeding a musky last time we were up there.

Canadian Word of the Day

Castoreum / Cas`to´re`um / n.

A peculiar bitter orange-brown substance, with strong, penetrating odor, found in two sacs between the anus and external genitals of the beaver; castor; - used in medicine as an antispasmodic, and by perfumers.

And yes, I am totally wearing cologne today.

In late today

Was out late last night at the midnight release party for the Heron, Gibbon Extreme Edition. It was awesome. At midnight, we all shared a sandwich and then downloaded the new ISOs. I don't think Jodie'll be too happy about this, but I got caught up in the moment (at 95% download complete) and I volunteered our hot tub for the Ibex Gibbon Plus Plus release party.

do you think it is wrong that the panini press forces you to take action?

It is wrong. I should tell the panini press what I want it to do. How did it come to this?

June 12th. Save the date

Alpha 1 of the Ibex service pack of the Gibbon Heron edition comes out. I am so excited I almost forgot about the Sharks game last night. I need to find out what an Ibex is so I can dress like one at work. I think it is a frog or a crab or something.

My new 64cm panini press

I used to use a 32cm panini press to toast my 32cm subs. I upgraded to a 64cm panini press so I could use twice as much filling per sandwich. But for a long time I was only using 32cm subs in the 64cm panini press. I moved to 64cm subs and things are really sweet right now.

I am like a retard

WTF

Haddock's Lair

Me, Jodie and Charlie went cruising up over the Golden Gate bridge over the weekend. We ended up in San Rafael. We totally love the open source community feel they have up there. Then, holy tij -- we realized we'd stumbled into Haddock's lair. I've never driven the Subaru so fast to get out of there. See for yourself:

Flounder is angry

DUDE. Turns out that Flounder reads this blog sometimes. He just saw the post about Ben Fry being my new BFF. Fucking hell Flounder dude, I didn't know it would upset you that much. I am really sorry. If you really want me to return your Panini press I will. What can I say? I like lots of people and I just want to build a community of some sort.

How about this: I call Ben Fry my BBFFF (Best Ben Fry Friend Forever) and you are my BFFF (Best Flounder Friend Forever) and I promise to have no more BFFs. Although I think the number of BFFs should be unlimited. Sort of like a techops meal expense budget or like the number of VPs in marketing. Or even like the number of Heron patches you have to download each morning.

My boss is losing it

Dude, I think he has some kind of memory problems. He came by just now and claimed that not only do we have a meeting right now, but that we always have a meeting at this time on Friday. Which is obvious hogwash.

T-Minus 7 days

OMG. Gibbon Extreme Heron Edition coming soon. Dude. Can't wait!

Did you know I used to be a lifeguard In Canada?

It was Eh-Watch.

Just chillin

Things've never been so calm and clear at work. That's cause this morning I had a canadian bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich first thing in the morning. Sand Dab likes to say it's a wake-n-ate.

drubbing the pipe

After rocking the banana at work I called up Flounder about tenderizing the dance. But he was busy wrestling the surgeon general. I dediced that buttering the midget about the Heron again was the next best alternative. My new friend Ben Fry was licking the dolphin which just sucked balls. I ate again at Pancho so I left for the bathroom because fogging up the chimp was in order. My rusty sherrif's badge hurt the steaming blazing wet lemur while initiating the stiff dermal vector. On the way back to my desk I was shooting the orange four-legged cactus to someone about Intellij when I was forced into tweaking the canoe. Anyway enough with pleasing the lemur, please review my new EaaS site. (Euphemism as as Service).

This song means so much to me

Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone
And you, my friend, will see
You've got a friend in me
(you've got a friend in me)

Ben, you're always running here and there
You feel you're not wanted anywhere
If you ever look behind
And don't like what you find
There's one thing you should know
You've got a place to go
(you've got a place to go)

I used to say "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
I used to say "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
Ben, most people would turn you away
I don't listen to a word they say
They don't see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I'm sure they'd think again
If they had a friend like Ben
(a friend) Like Ben
(like Ben) Like Ben

My new BFF

I don't always see eye-to-eye with Gentooboy, but at last, we're united. United in our hate of SharePoint. I'm pretty sure soon he's close to switching to the Gibbon Extreme Edition too.

Beaver Mudslinging

Dude, this country just doesn't get beavers. Any Canadian 3rd grader would know this is a pile of lies (in Canada, 3rd graders are really American 4th graders cause we start in 0th grade -- this gives us a big leg up in programming). Look at this foolishness.

"beaver control is not rocket science, Lisle said."

That's tij. In Canada, you couldn't get a Ph.D. in rocket science even if you wanted to. While the Beaver Contrology Ph.D. program is the most revered and respected degree in the land.

"If we can put a man on the moon, we can outsmart beavers. They're not very good at deductive reasoning," he said. "They're very single-minded."

Really? Canada has never put a man on the moon, and Flounder is always telling me that neither has the United States.

So, this has forced my hand. As of today, I'm officially announcing that I've stopped my run for the Martinez Beaver Subcommittee.

My ass gets it, man!

I created a cloud, man!

You don't get it, man!

You read it in the cloud, man!

You edit it in the cloud, man!

It lives in the cloud, man!

It's the cloud!

I'm never offline.

Bah.

Flounder is out of line

Dude, Flounder is getting way out of line with his anti-sandwich talk. I had to send him this sternly-worded email:

-----Original Message-----
From: Fake Gary Baker
Sent: Tuesday, April 15, 2008 2:31 PM
To: Flounder
Subject: Re: Sandwiches

btw dude - That's just the kind of attitude that we are trying to persuade our customers NOT to take. You should start drinking the cool-aid. It tastes good.

My work Day exported from Google calendar

I just got access to google calendar. In order to be more productive I set up my calendar on google. Here is my plan for tomorrow:

9:00am : Locate desk.
9:00 - 9:30 : Think about new Perforce LISP scripts.
9:30 - 9:45 : Get into a fight with Ben Fry about Linux/Wiki/Java/LISP
9:45 - 10:30 : Think about wiki pages and Google
10:30 - 10:35 : Edit a file then revert it.
10:35 - 10:45 : Walk around the 8th floor looking for dork victims
10:45 - 11:00 : Talk to a random stranger about Gibbon Heron edition and/or Intellij
11:00 - 11:05 : Edit the file again. Revert it.
11:05 - 11:30 : ask people what is for lunch
11:30 - 12:15 : Pancho for a burrito
12:15 - 12:30 : Regret going to lunch so early
12:30 - 1:00 : Check p4 again with new scripts
1:00 - 1:15 : Get a call from Flounder about him apologizing for backhair in the hot tub yet again.
1:15 - 1:45 : Hockey videos on youtube
1:45 - 2:00 : Get a code review and argue the point. Say fuck it. Revert the changes.
2:00 - 2:01 : Scrum
2:01 - 2:15 : Peets
2:15 - 2:30 : Call Flounder to remind him that the hot tub will still be clogged unless he comes through on that promise to bring over some super high powered drano or some tij.
2:30 - 2:55 : I have absolutely no idea where this time went.
2:55 - 3:00 Dork my boss.
3:00 - 3:05 Forced to admit that Ben Fry was right again
3:05 - 3:30 Serious burrito powered wind issues. retreat to the bathroom.
3:30 - 4:00 Make a false start on my departure from the bathroom. Rapid return.
4:00 - 4:15 Hide from someone telling me I missed their 4pm scrum
4:15 - 4:45 Final part of bathroom trilogy
4:45 - 5:15 Edit a file. Argue with Ben Fry about the change. Admit he was right. Revert.
5:15 - close : watch for the departure of my boss. Bah. He seems to be working late.

top 11 posters

Here's the top 11 posters over the last 30 days. (Who's this "fakegary" guy/girl. He/she needs a raise!)

Seriously though. If you're on this list, then you deserve kudos for being a great team player. Good for you.

[fakegary username],[num posts]

fakegary,431

flounder,82

haddock,68

turtle,62 (wait, that's me!)

cousin sasquatch,57

baz,54

taz,52

kaz,51

faz,50

daz,43

seabass,40

PS: I attached the whole list in an extra nerdy lisp-like format.

Not that there's anything wrong with that

Not that there's anything wrong with that, but if a hockey team won because they did butt innings, I think they'd keep it to themselves.

Beers

I'll be ok with 3. 4 or 5 is dodgy. 6 is right out.

Wrestling

I like wrestling. It's like ballet for giant men.

Alcohol starts at 6

Countdown to booze: 47 minutes.

Gotta move

I'm gonna shamble over to another seat.

For the record

No, I was not there.

But Flounder was.

Under-penetration

I don't know about America, but under-penetration isn't legal in Canada.

What I find more interesting than anything in the world is

Every minor detail of marketing launches. I could listen to that shit
for hours.

PTOn!

Dude, Tillie PT On!ed the hot tub filter last night and the fucking
thing stank up all of Glen Park.

Olympic protests

You might not know it, but I like to think of myself as a bit of a hippy. Right now 10,000s of stinky hippies have lined the streets of San Francisco to protest the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. Something about Canadian occupation of Tibet? WTF? It is just a few backpackers dude. This just makes we want to shit on my desk. I swear I just heard one of them say he wants to stick the torch up a Beaver ass. I just drank a six pack of Molson and I am going downstairs for a fight faster than you can kiss a Peking duck.

From now on, do not call me a hippy. These people disgust me.

UPDATED: Here is Baz trying to reason with these nutjobs. Errr I think.

Dude, this shit is fucking sweet

I got my gmail to outlook to yim to kbuntu to blogspot integration working. Sand Dab had to help me out.

 

Whoops

Ohhh.... that was the wrong alias.

Ohhh.... I just dorked myself.

It was funny though.

Fake Gary Reader Survey

Our first-ever Fake Gary Reader Survey is live! Please leave your responses in the comments.

If my blog posts were the same in all other ways, which group would you prefer?

More posts about Flounder
Fewer uses of the word "fuck"
Number of references to sandwiches stays the same
I upgrade to the Gibbon Heron Ibex alpha service pack
A swift kick in the ass

OR

Fewer posts about Flounder
$5-per-post subscription fee
More posts about beer
The Leafs win the Stanley Cup
Cats and dogs live together

Some of the tij that's allowed to go on here

People should have been shitting on desks to make it stop happening.

A simple philosophy

I try to live my life by one simple philosophy: if you can use appget, use appget.

Americans speak funny

They sometimes pronounce "the business" by saying "the bee's knees". Eh?

Gibbon Heron Edition Update

It's a perfectly clean [Gibbon] Heron [edition] install! We should light some incense.

Dream Big, Little Flounder

Dude, last night me and Flounder hit the hot tub and had a primo sandwich (and I don't mean a Safeway Primo Taglio sandwich). We both fell asleep in the hot tub, which Jodie says is dangerous because I might drown or something, but ... bah.

Anyway, when we woke up the next morning, Flounder said he had this bitchen dream where he was the CEO of Microsoft and he got to fix everything that's tijjy about Outlook. Also, in the dream, he went to a board meeting with no pants and could fly. He actually went to a meeting with no pants once, so that part is real. Anyway, the part of the dream about becoming CEO and fixing Outlook was fucking sweet. I told him he should look into it.

Pinch Flipper

A lot of you have asked how I could possibly pinch flip. Back in college, I played Pinch Flipper for the JV hockey team. Freshman year, I played Right Wing. Sophomore year, I played Rear Admiral. Junior year, I played Pinch Flipper. And senior year, I drove the Zamboni.

Pinch flipping at work

I had to step in as a pinch flipper for some charity pancake tij. I get back to my desk and it smells like someone pinched a loaf.

BAH.

I think I might be a vegan from now on

I went to Popeye's on the way home with Flounder, Daz, Baz, Daz, Turtle (wait thats me) and Seabass. I think I might turn vegan until Canadian July 4th.

A quick post from Haddock

Beavers are rodents. Your national pride and joy is an overfed rat with a fucked up tail that looks like it was run over.


Dear IT department the number you are thinking of is 1/0.

Year of the MSFT rolls on

Damn it. This is just tij. My original favorite open source project, Spring, is getting bought by Microsoft.



Dear IT department the number you are thinking of is 1234.

When I run apt-cache search bitchx

I get porked. I don't get it.

Dear IT department the number you are thinking of is 33 1/3.

Why Canada rules part 87

In America they have sports and they have entertainment. They are two separate things. In Canada we said fuck that and merged them. We have 'sports entertainment' . It has storylines like a soap opera but also (to the untrained eye) looks exactly like 'sports'. It is totally made up and the players are actually memebers of the Canadian acting union. Two great examples of this 'sports entertainment' are NHL and WWE. Americans might call it made up fake bullshit but we know best. Every year some hockey player should win an Oscar. Flounder has an uncle that writes scripts for the NHL so sometimes we get to hear spoilers.

Dear IT department the number you are thinking of is 420.

Well that's the number I am thinking of, but you never know.

New security measures at blogspot

Regular readers might see a drop in the number of new posts here. Blogspot have implemented new security measures. At the end of each new post I have to say 'Dear IT department the number you are thinking of is n' where n is a random prime number between 1 and 1000. If I guess wrong, blogspot delete the posting. This is tij on so many levels I don't know where to start. I just worked out there are over 500 prime numbers less than 1000, so it is going to be fucking hard for me to guess. I bet Haddock is involved. I am sorry dear readers because I had a lot to say today. BAH.


Dear IT department the number you are thinking of is 8752.

At animal care and control with flounder

Dude. Flounder's pet dog (named Guppy) got loose. We spent the entire morning driving around Glen Park looking for the little critter. A neighbour shot this video of him escaping, so please keep an eye out. We are now at animal care and control to see if someone handed him in.