Total Revelation

Dude, I just had this total revelation: In ten years, Windows is going to be a niche operating system for like gamers and business users. Bill Gates will die so poor he can't even buy a copy of Gutsy Gibbon. Which is free, dude.

Onwards and upwards

The $1.00CA hit $1.06USD today.

To celebrate we lowered out GST (Gibbon sales tax) to 5%. The prophecy of the first Canadian finance minister Nikita Khrushchev (1980-1984) rings true: We will bury you.

CANADA RULES YOUR CAPITALIST ASSES

Aw, Come On Now

That ain't even bullshitij, that's horseshitij!

Dude, Did You Ever Think About This?

How come people are so uptight about book burning, but they don't have a problem with burning newspapers and magazines?

This whole meta-flounder experience has me thinking all kinds of deep thoughts.

Yesterday

Charlie made a gnarly Shitij in his diaper.

Dude

I could go all day with these Shitij jokes. They crack me up.

The Next Ubuntu Release Is

Shiny Shitij

This is the Shitij

Gutsy Gibbon

This Fucking SQL

Is Bull-Shitij

Flounder's Sandwiches

Those sandwiches Flounder brought were some good Shitij.

Sorry Bill but it is over...

I was thinking.

In 5 years time the only people using Windows will be gamers and businesses. People will be running Yummy Yak clusters on 128 core AMD hardware.

It will be an irrelevant niche product.

DUDE. Just think about that. Bill Gates: the end is nigh!

When Jodie Found Out About My Gas Tank

The Shitij really hit the fan.

Last Night

I went out with Flounder and got totally Shitij-faced.

Hockey Elbow

BAH.

Forgot about it. Not worth blogging about.

You Know What's Funny?

Shitij.

Dude

Dude, I'm really losing it. I just posted the same thing twice. All that thinking about meta flounder has been blowing my mind.

5 years from now...

Windows will be a niche operating system used by a few people stuck in the past.

For gamers.

And businesses.

Remember: you heard it here first.

The Future

Dude, in five years, ten tops, Windows is going to be a niche operating system for gamers and businesses.

The Fuckers at Work

The fuckers at work want me to write some kind of big pile of bullshit just to make some SQL more efficient. If we just ran the database on a fucking cluster of Ubuntu boxes with Postgres and Subversion, we wouldn't care about efficiency because they'd be so rippin' fast. And they could all have dual monitors, which would be awesome. But those cocksuckers just want to waste my fucking time.

I'm gonna burn this place to the ground.

Bah.

Gas Tank For Trade

Available: one totally bitching gas tank.
Will trade for: a sofa that's comfortable to sleep on.

Update: Flounder's Flounder

Dude, I just realized that Flounder's Flounder is a meta-Flounder. That's some far out shit.

Hockey Night in California

We got our asses handed to us in hockey last night. They were a lot younger than us. Everything was fine until about halfway through the game, and then the wheels fell off. Also, the sandwiches our team had after the first period might not have helped.

Flounder's Flounder

Flounder called me last night crying about his baby fish. He was floating vertical. I told him not to fill the fishbowl with sandwich water.

Close call in the hot tub

After work I ate a sandwich in the hot tub. As I was climbing out I almost knocked the panini press into the tub.

DUDE.

That would have been one hell of a way to go.

BitchX

If you don't use BitchX then you are a BitchX.

Oh Yeah

Motherfucking awesome.

Cleaning the hot tub

That fart was a little too solid.

I still rule though.

Canadian Groundhog Day

Dude, I posted about how Flounder came down for Canadian Groundhog Day and now everyone is asking me what it is. It's way more awesome than American Groundhog Day because instead of a groundhog we use a moose and if he sees curling on TV then it means there's 6 more weeks of hockey strikes.

Farted in the hot tub

Made Charlie laugh.

I rule.

CHM Sandwiches are a Lie

Flounder came down again yesterday for Canadian Groundhog Day. He was all going on about his CMH (that's Canadian Ministry of Health, for you Americans) sandwiches and how they're totally awesome and they give every citizen 3.5 grams (that's an eighth of a sandwich) every month. I tried one of his sandwiches and it was fucking shite. It was like making love next to Craig's lunch: fucking close to a wrap.

Update: The Baker Theorem of BART Positioning

Dude, I have no fucking clue where the the shit in that bart post came from. It's far out stuff. Sometimes when I get near the bart I kind of zone out and do shit that I don't rememberwhen I get out.

I need a sandwich.

Posted from my blackberry at Dublin BART station.

VG: Now What, Motherfucker?

VG is up to 2.75 in after-hours trading. All those assholes at work are looking pretty stupid right now. But I'm not going to sell, just to piss them off. Dude, I'll piss the hell out of them if I ride it all the way to zero and lose $2750.

Another reason to Ubuntu-ize

I just read this post from Apple CEO, Steve Jobs, and I can't believe the arrogance. They're totally flaunting their monopoly position and its total bullshit.

"we at Apple are using our monopoly and market power to make the world a better place."

With the power of Linux and the ease of use of Ubuntu, we can take down this sham.

And, yes, this does mean I should probably stop using my Powerbook all the time.

The Baker Theorem of BART Positioning

The BART train doors have a simple and elegant pattern to where they will appear in the station. My colleagues seem befuddled by this behavior, when in fact its essence is simplicity itself.

But before we can describe that theorm, we need to describe the universe of the BART system:

Axiom 1: For each station σ, there exist β black spots, where β is a positive integral value.
Axiom1a: β=20 for all currently known instances of σ.

Axiom 2: For every train τ, there exist γ cars, where γ is a positive integral value.

Axiom 3: For every car χ, there are δ doors, where δ is a positive integral value.
Axiom 3a: δ=2 for all currently known instances of χ.

Axiom 4: In order for all passengers π to disembark from an instance of χ in an instance of σ, there must be a door paired with a black spot, therefore β ≥ δγ.

Lemma 1: In order to satisfy Axiom 4, γ ≤ 10.

Axiom 5: BART trains endeavor to stop in such a way that given β1, the number of black spots ρ beyond the leading edge of the train, and β2, the number of β beyond the trailing edge of the train, β1 = β2.

Armed with this knowledge and the simplest powers of deduction, one can arrive at fascinating observations. To wit:

The Baker Theorem of BART Positioning

To determine the black spot ρ*, the leadingmost or trailingmost black spot ρ for which ρ will be paired with a door χ, one need only calculate the following formula:

ρ* = (β / δ) - γ

And given Axioms 1a and 3a, we can simplify the formula to:

ρ* = 10 - γ

This theorem holds in all cases except when the driver is a fucking jackass.

More ideas on Ubuntu names

Fantastic Flounder
Tasty Turtle

Dude, fat sandwich

Have I ever mentioned how much I love sandwiches?

Last night Flounder brought down some great sandwiches from Humbolt. Dude. It was awesome. The sandwiches were so good, we even busted out the panini press for em.

Ubuntu issues

We all know that Linux was invented in Canada. In Canada the adoption rate is at 99%. It is illegal to install anything else in most provinces. So...

What is with all the unpatriotic names for the versions?

Feisty Fawn? Gutsy Gibbon?

WTF!

Be Canadian and be proud of it.

Magnificent Moose
Brilliant Beaver
Amazing Armadillo

Etc.

Version Control System Manifesto

i) Never use a version control system that can't find unversioned files in O(1).
ii) Never use a closed source version control system.
iii) The best version control system always wins in a fight.
iv) Don't break the build. Ever.

Ideas on handling email

I work at a place that employs simpletons for mail server admins. I swear I have a 32k quota. Well maybe not that low but you get the picture? I was playing around with these things called 'folders' and 'rules'. If you are new to them, check them out.

I set up a 'rule' to move all email not sent to me directly to a bulk 'folder'. This was excellent. Then I noticed something: I rarely send email to myself. And therefore all email I send is not sent to me directly. So all email I sent ended up in the bulk folder and never made it to Flounder, Turtle and Daz. Oh wait. Turtle is me.

Review: Pirated American TV vs Pirated Canadian TV

As you know, I recently replaced my pirated Canadian satellite dish with pirated Comcast cable TV. I thought you all might be interested in a comparison:

Pirated Canadian Satellite	Pirated American Cable	Advantage
Is broadcast from the CN Tower, the highest building in the world	Is broadcast from some bullshit station in Diamond Heights, which isn't even a real place name	Pirated Canadian Satellite
Has 37 channels of Hockey	Has a bunch of bullshit	Pirated Canadian Satellite
News presenters properly pronounce "about" and properly end their sentences with "eh".	Is crap	Pirated Canadian Satellite
Had complete coverage of the moose drought of '07	Totally fucking sucks	Pirated Canadian Satellite

Yesterday

Yesterday, I drank lemonade and watched a Disney movie. I hope Lee doesn't find that offensive.

The phones at my workplace suck big time.
I think we need to replace the current ones with VG phones.
I get to make free phone calls to Canada.
And the revenue stream for VG goes up.It's a WIN-WIN situation.
I am going to recommend this in our next All-Hands meeting.

Dude! Smoked Meats!

Dude! When I listed the foods we eat at Canadian Thanksgiving, I totally spaced on smoked meats. Smoked meats rule.

Canadians were smoking their meats way before Americans did it.

Applying the principles of hockey to scrum

In life whenever I encounter a problem I need to solve I always ask myself 'How did they overcome this issue in hockey?'.

Today I spent 15 unproductive minutes listening to someone talk a lot about something in my scrum meeting. DUDE. SHUT UP! You are the only thing between me and a Holding Company burger.

So: how did hockey solve this problem? The power play of course. Ban the offender from the scrum for a day.

Tax Advice

Son of a bitch. I just learned about this:

http://www.bankrate.com/brm/itax/tips/20010223a.asp

That's total bullshit. In Canada the government guarantees that your stock won't drop below the price of a pint of Molson Ice, which is totally better because it encourages people to invest in the stock market. Also ice beer is awesome.

CMH Bud is a Lie

Flounder came down for Canadian Thanksgiving. He was all going on about his CMH (that's Canadian Ministry of Health, for you Americans) weed and how it was totally awesome and they give every citizen 3.5 grams (that's an eighth) every month. I tried some and it was fucking shite. It was like making love on a spice rack: fucking close to oregano.

Facts you probably didn't know about Canadian Thanksgiving

Facts you probably didn't know about Canadian Thanksgiving:

1. Canadian Thanksgiving began way before American Thanksgiving.


2. Canadian Thanksgiving is a three-day weekend and it's formally celebrated on the 2nd Monday of October.


3. That mean's I should really get a vacation day today.


4. The traditional food we eat includes poutine, maple syrup, and canadian bacon.

Thanksgiving Update

I love thanksgiving

Rules for Hackers

Dude, Ben Fry totally crossed a line. If we ever play hockey I'm going to fight him. He was trying to say all "oh, but you did it too," but dude, what the fuck? It's like, if I had a beer and then he asked if he could have a sip of it and I said ok, like that would be like what I did, because his computer was the beer and him leaving it unlocked was like me saying it was ok to have a sip. But what he did would be like if he had a beer that he was keeping in his fridge at home and then I just like took it and then hocked a big loogie into it and then like poured it on his dog or something, because my desk is like his fridge and then my monitor is his dog and the loogie is his fucking firewall rules and then the beer is ... bah, I got myself all confused.

He's a piece of shit, is what he is.

Dude

What the fuck?

Taking down the man

Helped someone burn a Linux install CD just now. Took me 1 hour to find a real sharpie. Fake sharpies suck so hard. Now I need to remember how I set up dual monitors. I think I burnt my notes to stop bfry hacking into the workstation.

Insider stock tip

Dude, I just got an insider stock tip that Oracle is going to buy BEA for $6.66 million dollars. What the hell? That's like 277 Subarus.

Bah.

What I'm thinking right now is

Doo do do doo do do doo do do doo do do.

Canadian Thanksgiving

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving. Although 25% of the time I have to say 'donner heureux de mercis de Canadien' by law.

Today I watched VG climb 0.01 after hours. Those bastards at work will be laughing on the other side of their faces when this thing climbs above the $2.00 barrier.